1. The Sephora sales lady who informed me that I wasn’t aging rapidly due to my stressful choice of profession and lack of sleep but looked so much older in the past year, in fact, due to the drought. And then proceeded to sell me $59 “lotus eye gel” and $33 givenchy concealer (it’s french so it must be better, right?). If you are a salesperson and need to upsell someone on hundreds of dollars of expensive useless crap they do not need, look for me.
2. My fantasy football team, who has disproven what I had thought to be my foolproof “crockpot method” of fantasy football team management (also known as the SET IT AND FORGET IT method). This method has proven to be outwitted by the “use-fantasy-team-as-reason-to-talk-to-guys-you-like method” employed with increasing success by many of my cohorts.
3. Blue bell french vanilla ice cream, for reminding me that real ice cream tastes so infinitely much better than the fake low calorie crap I’ve been buying for so long that I felt compelled to eat the whole half gallon (topped with Nutella) in the last week.
4. And finally, as always, douchelords across the city, of whom there will never be a shortage.